4 Ways to Achieve Effective Identity Realignment without Identity Paralysis
Welcoming the future self without leaving the past on the shelf
The arrival of 2023 can be a time for much motivation yet potential procrastination. As we begin yet another year of uncertainty, some of us may feel confident that we can handle whatever this year will challenge us. In contrast, others may feel fatigued and exhausted from all the uncertainty, especially after the tumultuous times since 2020. There have been many positive and negative reactions to the evolving global crises post-pandemic affecting many of our lives, work and overall sense of well-being. Many may have faced redundancies, job loss, restructuring, the end of a career due to ill health and mental illness, and more significant life changes that have upended their whole sense of self and crisis of personal and professional identities ensue. This can subsequently lead us into identity paralysis. A sense of being stuck can leave us struggling to know who we are in our present realities and who we need to be in our reshaped adaptive self to feel our more aligned meaningful, and purposeful self. That uncomfortable chaos within uncertainty and the changes we need to make to navigate challenges outside our control can contribute to that sense of stickiness paralysing us and causing more internal conflict and procrastination.
Grief for our past and present future selves can present itself, further compounding stagnation. For many people, regardless of whether some of the changes they needed to implement were deemed negative or positive to enable alignment to adjust in uncertain, challenging times, many can still struggle purposely to progress from their past identities and embrace their new selves. A sense of stuckness that still, even when the positive change was achieved still, manages to steal an overall sense of well-being and happiness. We may have heard of someone who got a promotion and climbed a career ladder, got to the top and only then realised the ladder was up against the wrong wall all along as they continued to be more and more internally conflicted, angry and frustrated and further detached from their sense of whole self and true identity. It is a narrative I see much of in my career consulting work.
From my experience of working with many professionals on what they thought was a path of growth but inevitably left them grounded and stranded in their sense of direction as they climbed ladders defined as socially and professionally successful, I have become aware of how identity growth or identity paralysis presents and what strategies can work best to redefine and align where to next. Firstly it is essential to acknowledge when experiencing a sense of powerlessness and hopelessness in a personal or professional identity crisis that any action taken, no matter how small, can have significant sanity-enhancing energy which can lead us to our next steps. The more powerless and hopeless you feel, the more critical it is to take even a straightforward, practical action to alleviate your anxiety and manage your conflict in this headspace. Your next small step will remind you that in an identity crisis and paralysis state, when we have a sense of doing something, no matter how small, we realise we are not paralysed. We can still move. We can still make more aligned momentum on our terms, returning us to our more authentic sense of self.
It is important to believe with conviction that you are not losing your identity, but it would help you align more authentically if you had some directions to find your way. Here are some to consider broadening your perspective and allowing you to navigate change without a crisis of identity when your head and heart tell you the time is right for you.
1. Break up with your distraction-driven past and redirect with your deliberate future self-directed self
Reflect on key events, milestones in your past life, and work that flipped switches and turned lights on.
What happened, why was it significant, how did it make you feel, and why is this important to acknowledge in this current identity realignment?
How can it help heal past crises to harness hopeful life and career harmony?
How was it symbolic of an ending and a beginning, and what lessons did you learn from it?
What could this physically and mentally represent for your career and overall well-being if you allow yourself to use these lessons to transition authentically?
What are the disconnects between your past and present self?
How could you unravel these to reangle relatability to yourself and others who can help you to find a more profound sense of self in your life and work?
Simply identifying a distinct moment as a division between the past and the present self can help us free ourselves from an identity that is no longer relevant to our life.
2. Blend the past and present with complimentary narratives of strength and weakness
We don’t have to dismiss the past completely to find the deliberate direction of our authentically aligned future identities. Still, instead, we can reframe it to craft new responsive narratives that help us progress more consciously and with a deeper perspective. The darkness can be used to shine a light that leverages strength in much of our self-sacrificing self stages in our life and work. Making peace with our prior identities instead of allowing them to tear pieces of our future self can bring much self-efficacy. Working effectively with the emotional energy gained from reframing distracting, paralysing identity weakness into more refined stories of enabling, and releasing strength builds a more enhanced tenacious and resilient self.
3. Acknowledge the challenging emotions
Emotions are data. Data can be driven in the right direction if we choose to use them effectively and move them out of us so we can move forward. The origins of motion and emotion are almost identical. Movere, from Latin, means to move. Exmovere or emovere means to move out, hence to excite. So again, taking action can stir something up and move something inside of us, no matter how small. Becoming stuck in past episodes of emotional upheaval serves the procrastinating self and our sense of stuckness. It’s a heavy load to haul around daily, carrying any shame, anger or regret which has led you to your current situation, and there is much poignancy in the term “let go or be dragged” for us to reach a level of buoyancy that can allow us to come up for air. Creating the space to acknowledge how you think about yourself is essential to making an identity transition.
How would I be without this thought?
What would it look like for me?
What would I think instead?
What would I do instead?
But this emphasis on the cognitive aspect can often leave the emotional side undervalued, and the ability to recognise our emotions and work through them can mean the difference between “getting in an emotional state” and ‘being in a fit emotional state.” More aligned, confident, self-enabling identities are better facilitators of effective, sustainable and realistic transitions. Individuals who can show up better equipped to manage their emotions inevitably better navigate uncertainty, change, and overcome identity paralysis.
4. Prioritise a meaningful self-identity over a professional self-identity
Suppose you feel that your career or title shapes your entire identity. Even more, if you have recently lost this role or title, other more meaningful aspects of your more profound conscious impactful self can be disregarded and undefined, distancing you from a better value-driven direction. Research highlights that we can simultaneously harmonise a sense of well-being in multiple identities. In short, if you are unsatisfied in some aspects of your current life or work situations, reminding yourself of your full range of positively reaffirming identities can be an effective way to remove yourself from being paralysed by the past and present and overcome challenges in your transition to a more authentically aligned identity.
Whether you’re considering pursuing a whole new industry or role this year or going through a significant life stage or change such as retirement, illness, menopause, or even an autism diagnosis ( or revelation, I prefer to call it), as I have done myself in the last two years, it can be very easy to cling onto parts of our past self that can blindsight brilliance in our future self. Indeed letting go of a past identity and carrying forward the right balance of weaknesses and strengths to realign my narratives has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done. My multiple identity crises involved many emotionally turbulent questions relating to my life and career.
“How will I do something new?”
“How will I be someone new?”
“Who am I if I don’t show up as my former self anymore or return to my old work or industry?”
“What does it say about me if I walk away?”
“Who am I to try something new?”
“What does it say about me if I try and fail?”
To leave these questions unchallenged without doing the more profound work involved to excavate the foundation of my whole self and relate more effectively to my past, present, and future self was enticing. But I knew identity paralysis had the potential to jeopardise my future career prospects and my mental health. So to become unstuck and more authentically move forward in my life and work, I had to prioritise embracing my past, present and future identity and all the good and bad in between. It’s been the best work I have ever done, and all that remains for me to do in 2023 is to improve on the improvements already made. After that, the rest will align more naturally and organically without forcing myself into the procrastination doom loop of goal setting at this time of year or measuring my success by any other medium other than my emotional state of fitness and overall sense of authentic wellness.
Happy New Year.
For more on career and well-being consulting in 2023, see my website.
