What 15 Years of Marriage and My Relationship With My Business Taught Me About My Pivot.
Even the most exciting of changes like marriage and pivoting can be bittersweet.
“All change involves loss” Stephen Grosz Author The Examined Life.
One of the most valuable life lessons my marriage has taught me is resilience.
Today we celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. I often refer to marriage as the best personal development course you will ever take. It highlights both your strengths and weaknesses. It challenges you to become better people. It pushes you to your limits more than you ever thought possible.
It involves commitment. The reality is very few relationships are without their fair share of obstacles. You have to work hard to maintain it. You have to make sacrifices and say no to some things so you can answer yes to others. You have to pursue your passion with boundaries.
Which brings me to my next point it is very much like my relationship with my business. Which after 18 months is coming out of what I would refer to as the “business owner honeymoon phase!”
At the beginning of your business, everything seems perfect. You think where are all these clients that want me to serve them. They should be knocking my door down. You agree with everyone on everything, so you don’t alienate potential clients. You want to do what pleases everyone, and you always look like things are all shiny and happy. I am sure many business owners can relate to that.
Bullshit!
A few months ago I sat in a boardroom with my accountant, the wonderful Wendy Merrigan. I beat myself up and down that boardroom about having made a loss in my first year in business. I am laughing to myself writing this article as Wendy said to me:
So I had to go back to my “why” yet again.
“Pauline one day you will write about this meeting, I can see it.”
Well, I guess I am ready to share it now. Somewhere in the acknowledgement of that loss was a significant change or shift happen in me. I was measuring my success by money and how others perceived my social status around my wealth. I am not driven by money. In fact, I have had to sacrifice financial health to transition with this pivot. But did I let a societal stereotype define me? No hang on I will call out my own bullshit on that. I did let it define me, I am human oh the shame!
Why am I doing this?
What does it give me?
Why is it important?
Another great peer of mine Joe Hendley challenged me with that question yesterday. I grounded myself and replied:
“It was always about the fuel and the energy the people I work with give me. It was to develop myself, so I could provide them with more value and do great work.”
It was never about the money, it could never be. I had set myself up to buffer that small loss and protect that reality of my first year in business. But it doesn’t feel like that when you are sitting there, and the figures are staring you in the face. They don’t lie, it hurts the ego, but it makes you challenge your truth.
Can I do this?
Is it viable?
Will I get another year out of it?
Am I meant to be in this business relationship with myself?
Am I committed enough to be in it for the long haul?
Back to the point, I began with:
“All change involves loss.”
Even the most exciting of changes like marriage and pivoting can be bittersweet. They often involve letting something else go. And with that comes fear so we anticipate worse case scenarios, which may or may not occur.
In April this year, I thought I was going to lose my husband following his sudden heart attack. I didn’t he is fitter than ever and alive and kicking.
In 2010 I feared I would never get my health and my happiness back. I am now in context the happiest and healthiest I have ever been. We have both learned the true meaning of commitment and “in sickness and in health.”
Now my business has gone through its honeymoon phase and the ups and downs it brought with it, I can reflect on our relationship over the past 18 months. I have accepted it was not a failure but the foundation that I am going to build it on. I am now in a position to pursue my purpose by reducing risk. I can experiment with more ideas. I can operate without sending myself into a panic about the fear of failure.
Sacrifices like in all relationships and marriages will need to be made to sustain it and be in it for the long haul. It is now time to pivot the business for progress and get it over the two-year mark, and I can’t do that on my own. So I asked for help, and The Entrepreneurs academy accepted me into their leadership and management development course.
Over the next few months, I will work towards gaining a qualification in business planning. Noel Davidson spoke last night of Steve Jobs famous quote:
And as I read Jenny Blakes book “Pivot” on the bus on the way home the same quote appeared in her book. I have to connect the dots looking backwards. So today I am reflecting on 15 years of marriage and what it has given me in life.
Then to the past 18 months as a business owner. I am drawing strength from our staying power and the resilience it brings us.
You will never see the entire path from the outset, like marriage because you wouldn’t want to. You might throw in the towel. If it was obvious and you knew what was going to happen next it would be boring, there would be no purpose for the passion.
There are risks and uncertainty but within that comes one big adventure. An adventure that enables you to become a bigger and better more expressed endlessly creative human being in the process.
On that note, I am off to celebrate our success at making it this far. Happy anniversary to me and my hubby.
Register for the next pivot cafe in Bestseller cafe in Dublin on the 13th September from 6 pm — 8 pm. There are only two slots available this month so they will be allocated on a first come first served basis. Email me at pauline@paulineharley.com to secure your space today.
For more on career pivots see www.paulineharley.com. Follow the C4C Podcast on SoundCloud or I Tunes.
I’m a relatable, no-BS expert on career pivots and redundancy.
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com on August 29, 2018.
