Why Was My Autistic Child “Too” Much?
To be too much or not too much. That is the question.
Deficit theory focuses on ‘fixing’ people instead of challenging the societal conditions that disable them even more. When it comes to Autistic people and gifted children from a different perspective (as I have experienced such being) from childhood to adulthood, the word ‘too’ is used ironically and abundantly with much negative deficit-based connotation. They are too sensitive, too much, too intense, ask too many questions, move around too much, talk too much, talk too little, spend too much time alone, etc.
But we all deserve to be seen through our lenses of strength and potential and not defined by ‘too’. These ‘too’ beliefs shape the societal scripts that may become what everyone chooses to see without seeing the unseen. That is how Autistic and gifted children and adults can become invisible.
Unseen beings.
And so deficit perspectives and the conspiring theories they fuel in echo chambers cause damage. Damage that does inevitably brings well-being deficits. Many Autistic and gifted kids are sensitive and empathetic (deeply so). This can lead them to internalise others’ thoughts and beliefs about everything and everyone, but also about them and their “toos.”
It can make them a very vulnerable element of society. I hope to see a time when we can move away from negatively focusing ‘too’ much on the ‘too’ and ‘deficits’ based on outdated social norms. A time when we can remind ourselves that when collective empathy is shared for all ways of being and learning, collective injury is healed and inevitably avoided.
Can you imagine the synchronicity and momentum?
Everyone is seen.
And being.
Within the ‘too’ is much strength, courage, and creativity.
Within the deficit, there is moral injury.
Don’t lessen or dumb down the too’s as some educational, organisational, and societal mass belief institutionalised systems do, or we can leave that to TikTok.
It only ensures we go nowhere.
Yours sincerely,
My Autistic child went nowhere on her rocking horse, rocking too much until she finally got somewhere with synchronicity.
She arrived at the stable. Her stable, and all because she was encouraged to bring her best self forward. She finally learned to reflect on her development and biases to see her Autistic self truly. She feels seen, and if that is only by herself, that is all that matters.
She can see what supported Autistic well-being looks and feels like for her in practice and how that creates positive change.
It is not all black and white until it is.
Clearly defined and realigned.
No deficits.
PS: I do this as part of my life’s work but do not have any notions about making a full-time career or living from this publication. Still, I do value my work as many others do also, and therefore, I would kindly ask if you find my writing of value and have any spare financial means to consider one of the following options:
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